Friday, 26 April 2013

Gordon Brown's Reign of Evil

Now that Gordon Brown's tyrannical regime has been ended, and the apparatus of his socialist police state dismantled, we can at last begin to detail the terrible crimes committed in his name. Although the extraordinary nature of these crimes is shocking and hard to believe, there can be no doubt that they did happen. They include: 

Melting down all the nation's gold to build a 10,000 foot high statue of Stalin, which bestrode the Thames like a monstrous parody of the Collosus of Rhodes, before it collapsed into the waves like all other mad communist schemes.

Breaking into every UK taxpayer's house in the dead of night to steal their valuables, rape their wives and abduct their children into slavery, before burning down the house and claiming the insurance to spend on palaces for unemployed immigrants.

Installing a printing press in every job centre, each one capable of printing an infinite amount of money for unemployment claims. The only qualifying criterion for claiming this money was an absolute assurance that under no circumstances would you look for work or accept a job if offered.

Creating a fleet of luxury yachts to sail the world in search of iliterate immigrants to bring back to the UK, in order to increase the Labour voting base.

Marching every pensioner - no matter how old or sick - into a forced labour camp on the Isle of Man to work for the next 400 years on a shrine to Kim Jong Ill.

Using up the entire world supply of plasma on all the plasma TVs given out to unemployed scroungers. It is rumoured that in his last year of office, with the Chinese plasma mines fast running dry, Gordon Brown planned a mission to the sun - at a cost of 10,000 times the entire world economy - in order to mine the plasma there.

Friday, 5 April 2013

Exciting Job Opportunities with Parrot Enterprises


These exciting opportunities have come about as a result of the Government's deregulation of the labour market and commitment to opt out of the ECHR.

To become more environmentally friendly Parrot's BTL Enterprises is moving towards an innovative water-less plumbing system in all its properties.

To meet this exciting challenge we require a number of Lavatory Emulation Technicians. Funded under our TOI (Training On Interest) system, successful candidates will gain outstanding experience in lavatory emulation.

Person Specification
- must be a hard-working striver who is willing to muck in and get dirty
- a people person who is willing to get behind others
 - excellent oral hygiene
- must be keen, willing to start at the bottom and work up
- able to take in and assimilate large amounts of relevant material in both solid and liquid formats

By the end of the training the successful candidates will be literally bursting with valuable experience and overflowing with skills for the modern workplace.

This training is also available on workfare

About TOI (Training on Interest)
Candidates will have all training fees paid up-front by Parrot Enterprises and once they have become qualified will pay them back with interest, which will be charged at an exceedingly reasonable 100% of earnings.

Applications in writing to